Tony and Judith had a long, happy, fruitful, Christian marriage. Just short of 50 years, Judith died of cancer and Tony was left alone. The ‘arithmetic of marriage’ changed as the One made out of Two, which is marriage, was torn apart leaving a Half. Besides all his sorrow in such a disorienting loss, the question presented itself to Tony who lived on in good health: What was he to do with the gift of life still entrusted to him? He set about working out the answer to that question. How he did it and what has come of it, in nearly four years, he tells us in this little booklet.

Those of us who are married or live in a committed partnership cannot escape the question which creeps up on us as the years pass – Which one of us will be left and what will he or she do then? Giving an answer, when the time comes, is a task that will fall to roughly 50% of us. How it is answered depends on circumstances which vary enormously. Sometimes people are left with responsibilities which define what they must do next. For example, they may have young children.

But sometimes the path is not so clear. It is easy to be overwhelmed and paralysed, leaving someone unnecessarily to fritter life away, in front of the telly perhaps. What is God’s call to those who still have a valuable life to live, even though they no longer have the energy of youth? God’s call, as Tony testifies, stops us crumbling before the apparent futility of living through the ‘dying of the light’. God’s call is life-giving grace for people all their days. It says, Wake up and Christ will give you light. Do not grow weary in well doing. (Eph 5.14, Gal.6.9). But this is no cheap grace: listening for the call and finding the way requires our engagement and struggle.

That is the message I take from what Tony has written in ‘As Long as You Both shall Live’. It may be helpful to others. If anyone would like a copy, Tony will be glad to let them have one. I will pass on any request.

Haddon Willmer

I was driving round town last Wednesday afternoon, when Choral Evensong from Birmingham Cathedral was being broadcast on Radio 3. It was a beautiful service, with excellent music and interesting readings. But most moving and illuminating were the final prayers.

So I wrote to the Dean, Catherine Ogle, many years ago a student of mine, and asked for the text, which Canon Nigel Hand (pictured right) has now kindly sent me.

Here they are:

Living God,
deliver us from a world without justice
and a future without mercy;
in your mercy, establish justice,
and in your justice, remember the mercy
revealed to us in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Heavenly Father, you are the source of all goodness, generosity and love.
We pray for the people of Mosul in Iraq and of Aleppo in Syria
as conflicts rage and innocent lives are put again in the firing line.
We thank you for opening the hearts of many
to those who are fleeing for their lives.
Help us now to open our arms in welcome,
and reach out our hands in support.

That the desperate may find new hope,
and lives torn apart be restored.
We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ your Son, our Lord,
who fled persecution at His birth
and at His last triumphed over death.

Amen.

O Saviour Christ,
in whose way of life lies the secret of all life,
and the hopes of all the people,
we pray for quiet courage to meet this hour.
We did not choose to be born
or to live in such an age.

But let its problems challenge us,
its discoveries exhilarate us,
its injustice anger us,
its possibilities inspire us,
and its vigour renew us
for your Kingdom’s sake.

O Christ, the King and Lord of all,
Teach us to know that with you
Nothing is too bad to be cured,
Nothing too good to be hoped for,
Nothing too hard to be attempted:
And nothing so precious that it cannot be surrendered for your sake;
Who lives and reigns
With the Father
In the Unity of the Spirit
For ever and ever.

Amen.

O God, who would fold both heaven and earth in a single peace:
let the design of thy great love
lighten upon the waste of our wraths and sorrows:
and give peace to thy Church,
peace among nations,
peace in our dwellings,
and peace in our hearts:
through thy Son our Saviour Jesus Christ.

Amen.

All these prayers we bring together as we say together the words of the Grace ……..

You can listen to the service in full via the BBC Radio 3 Podcast by flowing this link  http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07z7dcw   

The week before last saw a consultation on the future of the Child Theology Movement take place at High Leigh conference centre, Hoddesdon, Hertfordshire. This is a movement Haddon Willmer has been closely involved with from its beginnings in the late 1990s, and I was fortunate to be able to participate in last week’s consultation as a note-taker and administrator.

Child Theology is a young term, with no clearly defined subject matter, so a wide range of topics were discussed: the role of human rights’ declarations in guarding the well-being of children, theology and child activism, children and the Bible. We also heard the personal reflections of Frances Young, a Christian theologian whose work has grappled theologically with her experience of caring for her now 49 year-old son with severe learning difficulties.

Throughout all these discussions, however, there were two recurring themes which helped me to understand what Child Theology might be and who it might be for.

Firstly, it became clear that Child Theology is not a separate branch of theology, specifically for children, or for those who work with children. It is not an end in itself; it is not a particular ideology; and it is not competing with other theologies. Rather, it takes a particular starting point – the child – and asks how she might be a clue or a sign towards God as revealed in Jesus Christ. In Matthew 18, when the disciples were having an argument about who would be the greatest in the Kingdom of God, Jesus placed a child in their midst. Child Theology asks what difference this child might make for our own theological arguments today.

Secondly, it emerged for me in the consultation that Child Theology makes this challenge to all of us, because we are all theologians. Theology, the consultation showed me, is not primarily an academic field, but a way of speaking that no Christian can do without. It is, after all, talking to, of and with God. The Child Theology Movement talks serious theology with the child in the midst, but it does so with practical people—Christian practitioners, activists and ministers—as well as with academic theologians. So following the clue of the child placed in the midst by Jesus is an invitation to each one of us.

At the end of the consultation, we meditated on the Lord’s Prayer. One person wrote a prayer that I thought others may also appreciate. It is a way of ‘saying the Lord’s prayer from a different perspective’.

Saying the Lord’s Prayer from a different perspective

Deliver us from the evil – of ever giving up praying this prayer

whatever the pressure of temptation.

Deliver us from losing the ‘our’ to make the Father ‘mine’.

Deliver us from claiming the Kingdom now rather than steadily praying for it to Come.

Deliver us from seeking the Father in heaven as though he has abandoned the earth

where there is stomach hunger for missing daily bread

where there is sinning up to seventy times seven

Deliver us from escaping the Father’s house to seek our misfortune in the far country

Rather let us ever and again find our way back to our Father’s welcome feast with all the household

So let his name, Father, be credible, to all in all things for ever

Earlier this month Hilary and Haddon Willmer visited Sweden, at the invitation of Sven-Gunnar Liden, a leader in the anti-trafficking movement in Sweden and in the European Baptist Federation. Hilary told large audiences of professionals and parents why parents are crucial frontline agents when children are sexually exploited, and why agencies like police and social services should support and work with parents for the sake of the children.  The picture below shows Hilary with Sven-Gunnar Liden.

Since then, Hilary and Graham have been to Westminster, launching the latest Pace publication, Parents Speak Out, to Police and Crime Commissioners, politicians and others. The document, the cover of which you can see above, can be downloaded and saved from https://www.moortownbaptistchurch.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Parents-Speak-Out-final.pdf

Here is the sermon Haddon preached in Sven-Gunnar Liden’s church.

 THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BEGINNING

For 20 years, Hilary and I have been active in the charity known as Pace, Parents against Child Sexual exploitation.

I have heard many parents tell their story about how they act for their children, against sexual exploitation.

When a parent discovers one of their children is being groomed, they are surprised, horrified, distraught, confused, and feel weak in this disaster…

But being committed to their child, they are also resilient, aroused, driven to do anything they can…

They go searching, through the night, in dangerous places, sometimes in faraway towns, looking for their missing child…

When they see the child, they tell her they love her, through everything; they do everything they can think of to win her back from the insidious corrupting pull of the grooming and from the distrust and resistance it builds up in her….

They do anything they can to stop and disempower the exploiters, acting on their own and in cooperation with police and other agencies …

They do this for as long as it takes, often months, sometimes years, even when no end is in sight, and they hold on through one crisis after another….

I am deeply impressed by so many parents who respond in this way, rising to a task they are not prepared for by experience or training – they are not professionals, who deal with CSE every day.

What is so impressive about parents of this sort?   What is their secret?   Can we all share it? Will understanding them help us all to find strength and wisdom for our living?

Besides parents, there are many people who respond with care and competence to young people who are sexually exploited.   Many Police and social workers, medics and politicians, journalists and theoreticians.     They bring resources to bear on the issue which parents do not have.   But parents have something they do not have.   What is that?

Let me explain it this way:

When a young person is in trouble, and sexual exploitation might be the cause, social workers and police get involved with the family, often for the first time.   So their first sight is a teenager in a bad way,   physically harmed, disturbed in mind and spirit, alienated from family and friends, unable to break free of devious controllers.

The parent sees all this, but sees more, much more, and sees it vividly and powerfully.   For what the parent sees is not just this present moment, this teenage aberration, but the whole life of this precious human being from the beginning.   They look with the eyes of the parent who has accompanied the child from birth onwards.   The parent looks at the teenager and sees her for what she is now and responds to it realistically.   But at the same time, the child is like a transparency to the parent: through the teenager the parent sees the baby they remember and the child they have lived with through the years.

So the parent sees what the professional cannot be expected to see or give weight to. And the parent sees all the yesterdays, which the teenager, eager for life today and tomorrow, may be running away from, not seeing any worth in it. The parent holds on to something about the child which the child finds it difficult to appreciate and build on. The child wants to get away from parents and family and home, which has become boring. It is right for children to grow up and away from childhood; but we all need to grow up in a healthy way, not throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

We none of us remember our own birth, our own beginning. But parents were there unforgettably.   The living memory of the child, from the beginning and through all the years, is a source of the parents’ commitment, strength, hope, determination, wisdom.   The parents share in making the beginning. They experience the wonder of seeing a new person, a radical novelty, coming into the world. They find themselves committed deeply to an awesome, lifelong responsibility. This happening does something to empower them to love and they find themselves tested and enriched by loving.

Listen to the testimony of Irene Ivison, the woman who founded what is now Pace, back in 1997. Her daughter Fiona was groomed by a notorious pimp, and then murdered by a man buying sex in 1995. Irene wrote a book, Fiona’s Story, and I quote from the Introduction.   She speaks directly to the man who murdered her daughter –

Did you ever love a child, Duffy?

Seventeen years later you murdered this precious infant of mine.

Did you never love a child like that?

You can’t have or you would never have harmed her.

Can you conceive of the suffering you caused me when you unleashed your anger and frustration upon my beautiful girl?

I loved her then and for every minute of her seventeen years, no matter what she did.

She was Fiona, a special child, I had held her close, nurtured and cared for her, and you smashed her in your blind, unthinking, murderous rage.

I will never understand what you did to Fiona and my family. There are no answers.

I only know that when I held Fiona at her birth, I loved her so much that I would have died rather than see her hurt – my precious, beautiful, wonderful child.

Parents share in the making of the new. Thinking that they ‘make the child’ is a mistake to avoid,   they share actively in the making and it leaves a near indelible print.

Parents are there at the beginning.   To be involved in the beginning of anything, like being a founder member of a church,  is a deeply formative experience. It is an experience that lives on, and may grow over time.

Seeing parents as people involved in a significant beginning helps us to see God more clearly.   In a little way, being involved in the beginnings of a child helps us to understand better the witness of the Bible to God the creator of all ‘in the beginning’, the Source and sustainer and redeemer of all things.

Look again at our reading today:   Isaiah 43. 1-7

This passage is the answer to the question of Isaiah 40.27: Why do you say, God does not see, God does not care, God does nothing to help? This is the question of the exiled people, just as it is the question of trafficked and oppressed people, and of parents who wonder whether their child will ever get free of the exploitation and the damage it is doing.   Who cares? Who helps? Sometimes it seems, no one or earth or in heaven notices.   Isaiah offers an answer to this question. It is not an easy one. You may think it is no answer at all to the pressing question. In exile, we want a solution to our problem now. We want release from our oppressors now. The prophet, speaking for God, does not point us directly to the solution happening now.   Instead he asks us to look to the beginning, and to understand our present from ‘the foundations of the earth (40.21). Lift up your eyes and see all things as created by the One who is eternally the Beginning, not in time but outside it (40.26). Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth?  See this, and trust God enough to wait for God in constant undemanding readiness.

So we can read chapter 43 expansively:

Thus says the Lord, He who created you, who formed you

Your beginning is by my choice and free act, my commitment to you is rooted there

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;   I have called you by name, you are mine

You are precious in my eyes and honoured and I love you

So, when you pass through the waters, trafficked, exploited, distraught,

I will be with you.

I will say to the north Give Up and to the south, Do not Withhold Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth Everyone who is called by my name You are precious in my eyes and honoured and I love you I am the Lord who created and formed you, I redeem you, I am committed to you

This text invites us all, whatever the trouble, worry, exile we are in, to lift up our eyes and find anew the strength that is given to those who wait for the Lord.

How do we wait for the Lord?   We watch, we wait actively, we wait engaging in life from day to day – and then we are met by the Lord, the creator, who is not a remote once upon a time starter of the world, but is present, the faithful giver and sustainer of all life and goodness.

When we watch and wait for the Lord in our parenting, we find we are close and active companions of God in the world. We are walking with the Lord who gives life, who calls and loves human beings to be his friends and companions, who struggles with us and gives us a share in his struggle.

To be a parent is not an easy ride, not a fair-weather trip. It demands our life and time, our energy and wisdom, our love and grace, and often more than we seem to have.

To be the creator of the world, committed totally to its Shalom and fulfilment, is not a fair-weather trip.   It is not easy for God.   So we see in the Bible, and most of all in Jesus Christ, that the way God takes in the world is the way of suffering with the sufferers, of holding on in hope, in trying again and again to put things right, and not giving up – this is the everlasting God, the inexhaustible God, the resilient God of resurrection.  Resurrection tells us, God is not dead. God is not giving up. We see in the life, death and raising of Jesus, God, who says an unequivocal, irreversible Yes to his creation, a God who wills good.

We are invited to live our lives with this God and no other, in the Spirit of God.   And if we are parents whose children are at risk of being sexually exploited, the steady resolve of God to see his creation blossom fully, to realise its beauty, can inspire us and challenge us to go on, even through the dark night.

The Spirit we see in God can be our spirit.

I like the way St Athanasius in the 4^th century put it in his book, On the Incarnation of the Word (6), an inspiring rational proclamation of the good news of God in Jesus Christ.

It was unworthy of the goodness of God that creatures made by Him should be brought to nothing through the deceit wrought upon human being by the devil.

It was supremely unfitting that the work of God in mankind should disappear, either through their own negligence or through the deceit of evil spirits.

As, then, the creatures whom He had created reasonable, like the Word, were in fact perishing, and such noble works were on the road to ruin, What then was God, being Good, to do? Was He to let corruption and death have their way with them? In that case, what was the use of having made them in the beginning?

The question that came to God, as Athanasius pictured it, is the question that comes to parents:  If you see the precious creation being ruined, what are you to do?

What then was God, being Good, to do?   Was He to let corruption and death have their way with them?

The parent cannot walk away. You cannot say, it doesn’t matter, it counts for nothing.   It is precious. So you have to get engaged, and stay engaged, looking actively for ways of doing something effective about the problem.

God does that, says Athanasius, by the incarnation of the Word, by God coming as God into human life, as human being, to redeem and rescue humanity going to ruin, in contradiction to its beginning in God.   God comes as the enlightening Word, so that we see God’s way and can walk with God in it, and not be lost in exile, wandering in darkness and waste.

That is how God answers the Question: What are you, being good, to do when you see what you made in the beginning on the road to ruin?

God’s Question is our question too. And God answers it in a way that we can walk in with God.

By Haddon Willmer.

At the art class I go to each week, we were given Christmas as a theme for our next attempt. I dislike tinsel, though like most people I get entangled in it every year. It comes in many kinds and it seems churlish to do a Scrooge on it, saying ‘Humbug’.

But how to paint a picture doing justice to Christmas as told in the Gospels? This is daunting if one is not a skilled painter; and even more daunting when one is a mere human being, twenty-first century style.

But the choice seemed to me, either to try, even if it turned out a failure, or to keep clear altogether, and paint another summer landscape, where the sunshine in unambiguous.

My try was derived from the drawing on the left which I made years ago for a Christmas card:

But since then, I have written a whole-congregation nativity play based closely on the text of Matthew, leaving nothing out, including the genealogy and, controversially as it turned out, Herod the killer, and even more shockingly, Rachel, the mother who would not be comforted. The shock was rendered powerfully by some mothers in the church. And now, in the era of IS-Daesh and our responses which are too near to being Tit for Tat, it is impossible, it seems to me, to tell the Christmas story and leave out the dark side, the murderous ambiguity of Herod.

The message of the angels, Glory to God and peace on earth, must indeed be sounded in the picture, for it is joy to the world. But the frustration of the message in the world cannot be denied. On the nether side of Herod’s sword, there is death for the little ones, while on the other side, in the light from heaven, there is the Saviour born in a manger, all set for his flight into Egypt and his eventual deathly collision with the powers of the world who had taken over from Herod.

The Christmas story does not take us out of the real world. The picture tries to set up a blunt collision between the grace of God in the coming of Jesus the Saviour and the rule of Herod, the dark and the light.

So this is what I have painted, in my rough way:Besides this, I wanted to trace the journey of the Wise Men, from their seeing the star, to their meeting with Herod in Jerusalem, their finding the Baby King and giving him what they had to give, and then returning to their own country, ‘by another way’. Tracing the line of the journey helps to give the painting a more interesting structure than a mere dark-light confrontation would achieve. But as I have been doing it, I have thought about the Wise Men. Customarily they are portrayed as wise because they came to Jesus and, from that point, we extrapolate positive outcomes for them. Naturally then, many are mystified by the gloomy downbeat way T.S.Eliot ends his poem, ‘The Journey of the Magi’ (http://allpoetry.com/The-Journey-Of-The-Magi ). I wouldn’t put it quite as he did, perhaps because my thinking is so much in Herod’s shadow. The Wise Men saw what they came to see, and then could do nothing but return to their own country by another way. They could do nothing about Herod. They could not take the good news back to Jerusalem and persuade the scribes to sing ‘Joy to the world’ with them. They fled for their lives. Their trajectory ends in weakness and frustration. Is that a parable for how we are in the world, a parable too uncomfortable to be entertained?

One last thing. The light of the glory from heaven fades out in Herod’s darkness, but all the same it is a dynamic pressure, like rays streaming from the sun, driving on to the last spark. I haven’t shown that well though I have tried it. And Herod’s terrible sword is deliberately drawn so that Rachel is mostly on the dark side – understandably – but not entirely: her back is in the light, the mercy from on high is upon her, although she in her darkness does not, cannot know it.

The Christmas story is full of hard sad challenging mysteries. Why do we celebrate it with such superficial frivolity?

I have just read a deeply moving, illuminating book, The Drama of Living: Becoming Wise in the Spirit (Canterbury Press, 2014). It is so good I would like to persuade all my friends to read it.

The author is David Ford (left) until recently Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Cambridge, not only a learned, influential theologian, but also an adventurous pilgrim of faith.

This is not a book directed at other theologians, but at anyone who is engaged in the drama of living. It is written in a plain, attractive style. It does not talk in academic code, and explains any technicalities simply and effectively.

All the same, it is a challenge worth rising to. I don’t pretend it is a doddle: it is not for reading on the beach, when you are sleepy in the sun. Give yourself the best possible conditions to hear it.

I presume to offer two helps to reading this book well, with enjoyment and benefit.

The first is to read chapter 5, on ‘Loving: Intimate, Dramatic, Ultimate’, as a taster. It begins with the unusual love poems of Siadhail, celebrating married love, then considers ‘the larger life of love’ in the world, where we all live with ‘the vocation to love’, and ends with more from the Gospel of John which centres on God’s loving and our living in that love.

The second help is to read it in a group of friends. This book has been made out of the many and varied conversations and joint projects David Ford has engaged in throughout his life –with friends and colleagues and in communities, such as L’Arche. They have been thinking and growing together. So it is in the spirit of the book for us to read it together, to help each other get the most out of it, and to share the drama of living together.

A group could read it in under three months ( a chapter at a time, every two weeks). I would not minimise the commitment of time and attention that would require, but I am sure it would be well worth the effort.

I would be glad to convene a group if it is wanted. Please get in touch by email: willmerhaddon@gmail.com

You can view a video of David Ford talking about the book at Westminster Abbey here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNIAlvxtZh8

 

“Rediscovering what it is to be human and that every human being matters.”